My only excuse this time is that I have no excuse other than blaming the newly launched “American Roots Radio” (that’s the only time you’ll hear it mentioned here, let it not be greedy it’s got its own page) some tinkering on the final phase of “The Union” (go to “Latest News” for that one) and a recommitment to large empty canvases. So at the expense of being redundant, yes I indeed have an excuse. Still three months is a bit sad isn’t it but allow me to defend my actions by admitting to a serious dry spell in the area of rants, ruminations and general raconteuring (I know there’s no such word but it sounds like there should be.) In a nutshell the muse has been absent as much as the media has been abundant with the same old rubbish and individuals I’ve already ragged on habitually so I’m throwing caution to wind and accepting the gentle prodding of those who would have me expound on a topic dear to my heart, the western movie.

Obviously through my lifelong fascination and immersion into American history of the 1800’s, so developed hand in hand a love of the American western genre. Sadly, so few of the catalysts for this fixation still register in the best of category. I of course, like all young boys, began with the serial cowboys and B feature pistoleros, all shiny guns, rhinestones and big hats. Hoppy, Roy, Gene and The Lone Ranger, oh and my personnel fave the underappreciated king of the bullwhip Lash LaRue. I moved on of course and embraced the stamp of approval classics starting with “Shane” and moving through and inhabiting in the realm of my own imagination the likes of “High Noon” “My Darling Clementine” and “She Wore A Yellow Ribbon” culminating in 1960 with the still entertaining yet stylistically flawed “Magnificent Seven.” Really what was it with all those fitted shirts and tailored pants, didn’t costume designers back then do their research?

And so we grow up, we learn of reality, we leave innocence somewhere in dust, a dust that I soon came to learn didn’t appear to be altogether real in the west of these movies. When guns were fired adversaries clutched their bloodless chests and fell stiffly and with stagey intent. The bad guys grabbed their wrists and winced with less then credible pain when their six-shooters were blown neatly from their hands with nary a shattered bone or missing digit. As true history seeped it’s way into my curious and veracious brain the unnecessary distortion of fact in these Hollywood horse operas became glaring. Take for instance the aforementioned “My Darling Clementine.” Sure, a nice understated performance by Henry Fonda, but a movie playing hard and fast with the truth. It appears the gunfight at the OK corral in this movie took place in a parallel universe. Incorrect numbers, incorrect participants and incorrect outcome. The real gunfight for those who care didn’t even take place in the OK corral but across the street. Oh and the less said about Victor Mature’s robustly healthy Doc Holliday the better. A man supposedly racked with tuberculosis whose only acknowledgement of this slow hacking death is to occasionally cough politely into a small lace hanky.

Let’s get something of the bat straight away, I do not subscribe to the pseudo mantra of film geekdom that if it’s old it’s better. Old is not always better and certainly not when it comes to westerns. Music? Well that’s another matter but we’ll leave that one alone right now. Hell I like old movies I own hundreds of them but when it comes to westerns I like a little grit in my celluloid. Sorry, but if you worship at the altar of John Ford read no further - it’s not pretty.

Yea, you can start shaking your heads and tutt-tutting all you like. I’ve heard it all, the visual poetry, the heroic machismo, the grand panorama and the breathtaking scope of manifest destiny. Well that’s as maybe and if you’ve a penchant for viewing history through rose colored glasses then for sure Ford’s the guy for you. A lot of course has to do with your own personal take on his leading man. Yup! Him, the Duke, big John Wayne, same hat, same slow drawl, same old lopsided ambling gait. Jeez it’s like he just walked out of one picture into the next stopping only to change his shirt. Lord if this guy was any more wooden they could have made a tea chest out of him. Sacrilege you say, he’s an American icon. Well yea I guess if you like your iconic patriots bigoted, racist and drunk then by all means put him on your float, personally I’ll ride alongside Will Rogers or Paul Robeson on my 4th of July. Plus folks, talking earlier as we did of distorted facts this is the man who made the single most inaccurate film in cinematic history when he chose as his vanity project to totally reinvent the battle of the Alamo. Yea come to think of it, next to this fiasco “Clementine” is a relatively accurate account of things. Wayne should have stayed alive to read Philip Thomas Tucker’s “Exodus From The Alamo” he’d have had a cow.

What more can I say? I mean, Ford movies, man even when they were dusty these guys didn’t look dirty just eternally stoic. Yea, we had to wait on Peckinpah to make ‘em look like they smelt bad. Just Wayne like a big cardboard cut-out surrounded by stereotypical frontier types “Agh Shucksing” and beating each other senseless because, well that’s what grown men on lonely outposts did for fun back then, usually Gabby Hayes and Victor McLaglen in these roles respectively. Oh and the less said about Native American portrayals in these movies the better. Apache, Blackfoot and Comanche played by men called Dennis and Edward in glossy raven wigs and enough bronzer to make Dallas Raines weep. Central casting I gather back then was not an equal opportunity employer.

So what do I like? Dare I suggest a dozen satisfying examples, my personal picks. Oh dear that would be a list and that can be a dangerous and presumptuous thing. Lists can be conceited, pompous, and more often than not easy to pick apart, sneer at and rip to shreds with caustic commentary. Luckily those lists are usually of a musical nature and I’ll freely admit I’m the first to start bitching and squawking.

As is my want I’ll careen off the main topic here and give two recent examples of pure madness. A recent edition of the UK pop mag “Q” apparently named the simian like lead singer of the underwhelming British band Oasis (sorry his name escapes me) as the greatest front man of all time. Yes they did, I’m not kidding. In front of James Brown, Prince, Bruce Springsteen, Mick Jagger, Otis Redding and Elvis. I’m told after further investigation that this individual doesn’t even move on stage but stands immobile with his hands clasped behind his back while singing up to an elevated mike thus avoiding eye contact with the crowd. Brilliant and all this from a band that quite frankly aren’t even popular in most parts of the world. To top it all off the guy at number seven was someone I’d never even heard of period.

While this latter travesty is either a case of all out boneheaded stupidity or simply an embrace of elitist pretensions the second example is simply ignorant omission. Instead of advertising your list as “The Greatest Guitarists Of All Time” why not call it “The Greatest Guitarists Of The Modern Rock Era” that way you’d save face and a heap of ridicule. Example? How about Steve Jones, Johnny Ramone and Ron Ashton on a list that doesn’t even mention Charlie Christian, Hubert Sumlin, Wes Montgomery or Lonnie Johnson, pioneers every one. That was sadly another UK rock mag, which one I don’t recall however I’ll have to admit that on closer scrutiny the “LA Times” did publish a close to credible list albeit placing, are you ready for this? Tom Morello above Django Reinhardt and Andre Segovia. Duh!!!!!

Film choices seem to be a little less threatening and find the eye of the beholder a little more forgiving. With this in mind here in no particular order of preference, other than “The Wild Bunch” which reigns supreme I humbly present my indispensable dozen.

1. ”The Wild Bunch”

Not only the greatest western ever made, but also one of the finest American movies of all time. Please refer to my blog from 11.09.2009 titled “Sam Peckinpah” for my full-blown fan rant.

2. “The Assignation Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford”

This screen version of Ron Hansen’s 1983 classic is both hypnotic and irresistibly beautiful in its depiction of fact and credible storytelling. There is a prevailing melancholy that inhabits the cinematography giving this tale of 19th century celebrity stalking a resolved sadness and weary believability. Both Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck excel in the lead roles while Sam Rockwell as Charley Ford is a revelation.

3. “Unforgiven”

Clint Eastwood’s finest hour as both director and leading man. This parable of redemption and one of the few movies to deal realistically with what it means to kill a man is so simple in its premise and so deep in character that you feel beaten by the wind and worn by the ride by the time it’s over.

Classic scene. Watching as the killer instinct slowly returns to Edward Mooney’s face after learning of the murder of his best friend Ned (Morgan Freeman.) Eastwood’s facial performance as his anger simmers to a boil while methodically slugging from a whisky bottle after years of abstinence is understated and visceral.

4. Deadwood

Anarchy in the old west as if written by William Shakespeare. These three seasons are HBO’s greatest gift to any historical perfectionist and the finest series ever created for cable (Soprano’s included.) Simply staggering in its portrayal of the lawless and political void that was Deadwood, South Dakota in the aftermath of the civil war. Inhabited by characters both diabolically Machiavellian and heroically complex, this is a vintage tintype come to life. Soliloquies and profanity are delivered in equal parts as the devil deals the cards and Al Swearengen oversees the Inferno. John Wayne must be spinning in his grave.

5. “Lonesome Dove”

Ask any real cowboy what his favorite western is and nine times out of ten he’ll say it’s this faithful adaptation of Larry McMurtry’s tale of two ex Texas Rangers bound together in life and death. It didn’t hurt that the two principals were played by a couple of real hands who look, sound and are just about as close to the real thing as you could possibly get. Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones are the glue that holds this salt of the earth TV masterpiece together.

6. “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”

To quote Roger Ebert “Leone cares not at all about the practical or the plausible, and builds his great film on the rubbish of western clichés, using style to elevate dreck into art.”

The best of the trio of “Man With No Name” films and the first one of two by Sergio Leone on this list “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly” is all sweeping panoramic shots and claustrophobic close ups. Eli Wallach steals the film as the devious chameleon Tuco, a classic character in an equally classic movie.

7. “Tombstone”

Just to prove that a western can be both immensely entertaining and factually on the money we have “Tombstone.” Successful in theaters even as the western was pronounced dead this colorful retelling of the Earp’s relocation to the town of the title and their ensuing clash with “The Cowboys” is simply an addictive viewing pleasure. Culminating in the OK Corral gunfight, (the most truthful depiction yet to date) and the ensuing Wyatt Earp vendetta this movie puts actual historical dialogue into the mouths of the participants and drags real life minor characters into the light of day. Johnny Tyler, Billy Bob Thornton’s faro dealer with a bad attitude was the real thing folks and while there may be arguments made regarding certain incidents and omissions (the Earp murder trial is ignored) this is as close as we’re going to get with the knowledge we have.

Of course any talk of “Tombstone” without a tip of the Stetson to Val Kilmer’s glorious portrayal of Doc Holliday would be unforgivable. Pale, dying and dangerous he is the embodiment of spectral decadence. With so many quotable lines “You’ll be a daisy if you do” his eastern eloquence and dry wit is the stuff legends are made of.

8. “Open Range”

He may have screwed up with “Wyatt Earp” but he redeemed himself with both barrels on this one. The relationship between Charley Waite (Costner) and Boss Spearman (Duvall) is beautifully underplayed. These seasoned cattle drovers speak only when it’s necessary and even then it’s with weary resolve. This is a movie about doing the right thing plain and simple, nothing contrived or grandiose about it. It’s a breed apart from desert sweat and shimmering border towns, these are the Great Plains, rolling greenery for as far as the eye can see, a place where cattle is king. The pair’s decision to do what has to be done and the way it is formulated without discussion is utterly original and only solidifies how these two can read each other without question. The scene in the general store before the showdown is genuinely touching as Boss purchases a chocolate bar “All the way from Paris, France” and Charley orders a tea set from a mail order catalogue.

9. “Once Upon A Time In The West”

Before the credits even role on this Leone epic there is a twenty-minute opening sequence that could warrant as a movie classic in its own right. It takes place in a desolate wind blown train station in the middle of God knows where as three roughshod killers await the arrival of Harmonica (Charles Bronson) the film's mysterious stranger. This scene is so drawn out and laconic silent only for the wind, a water wheel creaks, a fly is trapped and buzzes in the barrel of a six-gun and the rowels of spurs scrape against dry sagging timbers. It’s easy to feel agitated even annoyed and that’s the point, time moves slowly where civilization has not yet embraced. The train finally arrives, Harmonica departs dialogue ensues.

“Where’s my horse?”

“We only got three horses.”

“Then you bought two too many.”

You can figure out the rest.

The rest of the movie? More of that slow burning fuse that this director invented. It might suffer from bad dubbing but if you can get past that you’ll be sucked into a crazy netherworld of early land grabbing, capitalist greed and lingering vengeance.

Henry Fonda almost turned down the chance of a lifetime to play the psychopathic blue-eyed killer hired by the railroad to exterminate anyone owning acreage in the way of the iron horse. It’s almost hard to recognize this American film icon that embodied so much good in his previous roles as a heartless child killer. Most chilling of all is that for the first time he is rivetingly sexual.

10. “The Long Riders”

Walter Hill loves the genre but has misfired on occasion (“Wild Bill” “Geronimo”) but with “The Long Riders” he hit on the novel idea of depicting historical outlaw siblings with acting ones and ran with it. This well executed tale of the James and Younger gangs exploits culminating in the disastrous Northfield Minnesota bank raid and its aftermath is another example of entertainment with a capitol E. It may stray occasionally from the truth, but it’s got enough fact going for it to let these minor fibs slide. The matching grey dusters were a nice touch and indescribably cool but I’m convinced these were not the type of men to be wardrobe coordinated. The overall movie has a nice muted southern feel and the Missouri setting is complemented beautifully by Ry Cooder’s haunting soundtrack. All the principles seem very much at home in the saddle and David Carradine is a standout as Cole Younger. Nice Civil War references too “He’s a damned liar Shelby weren’t at Cold Harbor”

11. “The Outlaw Josey Wales”

“You a Bounty Hunter?”

“Man’s gotta make a living”

“Dyin’ ain’t much of a way of makin’ a livin’”

Clint Eastwood’s third appearance here and his second as a director, “Josey Wales” was his best western character until “Unforgiven’s” Edward Mooney. After his family is slaughtered by Federal Redlegs Wales takes up with a Southern Guerilla outfit and hones his considerable survival skills. With the war's conclusion and amnesty forthcoming, his outfit finds itself betrayed and brutally slaughtered. Escaping with one survivor Wales becomes a fugitive and a will o’ the wisp avenger. As the movie unfolds Josey’s legend spreads like smallpox among the occupying forces and every carpetbagger and bounty hunter in the south. It seems everyone wants a piece of him but for every sucker that thinks they’ve reeled in the big fish there’s a pay off that leaves them dead or dying.

With the exception of Sondra Locke (nepotism, she was Clint’s girlfriend) the peripheral characters are wonderful, Timothy Bottoms puts in a good turn as a belligerent and confused rebel youngster while Chief Dan George is just great as a wily old Indian. Simply entertaining and a certified guilty pleasure.

12. “Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid”

It might have considerable faults and Kris Kristofferson good as he is may be a million miles from resembling the gawky and scrawny Kid but the restored cut of this film still makes it in. Butchered in its original release we pick up the story of Billy in the aftermath of the Lincoln County war as he wages a cat and mouse game with his old amigo Pat Garrett (James Coburn.)

In truth they were not acquainted, not that is until Garrett was hired to hunt him down. Still why quibble, like “The Wild Bunch” Peckinpah pours his tequila soaked magic all over this gritty fable of the itinerant legend in the brutal and unforgiving New Mexico territory of the late eighteen hundreds. Atmospheric and teeming with all the greatest of go to character actors this is still worth spending time with. Oh yea and there’s “Knockin’ On Heavens Door” too.

Honorable Mentions

“Tom Horn” Serenely beautiful, Steve McQueen’s portrayal of a man whose word is as good as his guns is both wistful and sad. A true story well told.

“The Culpepper Cattle Co” Realistic depiction of what a cattle drive was really like, uncomfortable, filthy and no fun whatsoever. Good stuff but you’ll want to shower after.

“High Plains Drifter” Great fun watching Clint paint the town that done him wrong red and renaming it Hell.

“Appaloosa” This could have been a genre classic until Rene Zellweger shows up and ruins everything.

Avoid These Two

“Wyatt Earp” Long, dull and way to pleased with itself. Stick with “Tombstone,” it has the same facts and it’s way more fun.

“3-10 to Yuma” This 2007 remake has so little in common with the original that one wonders why they bothered and didn’t just call it “Christian Bale makes a bunch of really stupid decisions.” It also didn’t help that Bale boasted to the press about how the film was totally authentic. Yea, I guess that’s why the wardrobe department outfitted half of the cast in clothing that wasn’t designed until the turn of the century. That leather suit on the bad guy, are you kidding!

Well that’s it, as Austin Powers said “I’m spent.”