Now let’s see here, there’s down time and then there’s time to get down, two independently differing situations, one which affords you the opportunity to execute the other. Currently I find myself locked in the former mode while musical landscapes are painted in absentia. So while the architects create and the studio gnomes scurry around patching wires and fiddling with gizmos of varying wonderment I’ll take the opportunity to travel a road strewn with sourpusses, misinformation, unnecessary damming, illogical dissection and quiet honestly because I’m a tad fed up. I’m talking about religion.

A single word, which on the human highway and in social circles of indiscriminate numbers, has taken on a mantle of averted eyes, raised hackles and much ringing of hands. Let’s take the high ground here and stand for those that inhabit the middle ground.

I’m more than a little perplexed. Why so many expend such sweat and precious breath to fluidize and demonize Christianity is simply quite beyond me. Surely there are infinitely more negative and disruptive forces at work in the universe than something that gives hope and comfort, let alone refuge, aid and medical assistance to countless millions. I imagine it’s pretty much the same old bag of rattling bones, the detractors and stone throwers bitch and whine while negativity and selfishness runs rampant in their insular worlds. When was the last time you heard of “The American Atheist Association” building schools and housing for the homeless and disposed on the frozen slopes of China or bringing in medical supplies and vaccinating poverty stricken tribes in the African wilderness while warring factions try to kill them? Just as an afterthought, “The American Atheist Association?” I don’t get it, if you don’t believe, no sweat, but why do you need a club?

So arguably there’s some rotten eggs. As in everything else there’s the unredeemable nitwits who spoil it for everyone else. Case in point Pat Robertson and the late Jerry Falwell both foot in the mouth practitioners whose overall view would have us worship and fear a humorless and vengeful God. I personally have always perceived of the Almighty as being a little bit groovy, supremely compassionate, not without humor (witness the giraffe) and altogether forgiving.

Cardinal Mahony’s another seemingly unpleasant and shady character whose efforts to shelter child molesters while embracing a cloak of arrogance and piety is particularly unsettling, not unlike the chain smoking Vatican villain in “The Godfather 3”. I would also agree that there are arguments to be made regarding the Catholic Church, the one religious body that warrants a little skepticism. Hard, I’d agree, to embrace an organization that on one hand is staggeringly wealthy and ostentatious in presentation while claiming to worship a man who lived his entire life in abject poverty. I thought it was “The meek shall inherit the earth?” A couple of candlesticks could feed a small third world country. On the other hand there are some genuinely awe-inspiring sacred works and architecture in the mix here (see below) so fearing contradiction I’ll move on.

This being said and the chaff separated from the wheat I’d like to point out that for every Robertson, Falwell and Mahony there’s a Rev. Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa and Bishop Desmond Tutu. So for the handful that claim to speak for God to further their own agendas and line their own pockets I say someday down the line you’re gonna have to meet up with the big guy and explain yourself. Spouting hate, embracing ignorance and unleashing noxious sound bites is uncharitable and has no business in the Christian arena. It’s like listening to a “Rage Against the Machine” song, all hysterical shrieking, bumper sticker mentality and zero depth.

So let’s just look at several pot shot favorites, three raggedy issues that comfort the soapbox wags as they stand reflected in their glass houses, their fists full of stones.

You know most wars throughout history have been caused by religion
Well, yes OK a few no doubt but then the Trojan war was fought over a chick and most people seem too think that was pretty cool, the fact that it happened in the 12th century BC may have allowed emphasis on it to lapse a little. But seriously, let’s see now, most wars for independence including that little scuffle that kicked of in 1775 were fought for, ‘em oh right independence, cast of the yoke of the oppressor and all that, not my God's better than yours.

The American Civil War, arguably the most devastating conflict of the 19th century, right? Economical and social instability, secession, hallelujah free at last. (Granted John Brown was a little nutty but not a factor) so nope not that one either.

Enter the 20th century and the mother of them all, the war to end all wars, the one that started because some Serbian nutball took out Franz Ferdinand (not the group the Archduke) sparking of a little family depriving deal called World War 1. This, by the way, had a sequel when a brilliantined psychotic water colorist decided to invade Poland and exterminate an entire race. Again madness and political climate full marks, religion zero.

Getting the point, shall we continue? Korean War, a sort of introduction to the Cold War but cross bearing of content huh-huh. Vietnam? Absolutely and equivocally no siree bob, lots of napalm, John Wayne, dope and Doors but outside of a little scripture on the side of a helmet God not guilty.

I guess that brings us up to date and a couple of current engagements that are stew pots of indiscernible ingredients spiced up by buttinski terrorists of decidedly Muslim temperament who outside of alternate religious beliefs just flat out don’t like us. However anyway you look at it and whatever political field you graze in the bottom line is we didn’t go in there because we wanted the convert the heathen. Last time I checked we invaded Iraq because they had WMD’s that didn’t exist, lots of oil, which is always an incentive, and because Daddy didn’t get it done the first time. Obviously this is not a religious war, it’s also not a very sensible one either unlike the other, which is because the guy hiding out there attacked America and killed a whole lot of people.

This whole last paragraph could no doubt be picked apart and skinned down to the Palestinian Israeli conflict, but take religion out of the equation and you're always going to get two factions that just flat out hate each other, the South hated the North, Hitler hated the Jews, the Hutu’s hated the Tutsis and Pol Pot hated anyone that didn’t dress in black pajamas.

Shooting ducks in a barrel
Comedians it seems have always found an easy target in bashing God and religion. Sadly great comedians flail continually in the obvious, bogging themselves down in banality and paper-thin depiction. George Carlin’s “How can you honestly believe in a benevolent old man in robes and a big white beard sitting on a cloud?” remains uncommonly pedestrian. Pretty pathetic huh! I mean did he really believe that’s how most intelligent Christians perceive their higher power, give me a break.

Even my dear brilliant Eddie Izzard whose early stage shows contained gut busting monologues based around the Old Testament has succumbed to flat out ridiculing in order, one can only imagine to appear edgier and hip. His earlier work on the subject had such a charming childlike quality to it, a theater of the absurd that was neither offensive nor condescending. So much funnier than looking the audience in the eye and saying “Anyone with any intelligence can’t honestly believe in this stuff” Yea, well tell that to C. S Lewis, Graham Greene, George MacDonald, W. H. Auden and William Blake, illiterate, misguided fools every one of them!

But my complete disdain I’ll reserve for Bill Maher, someone who at one point in time I found in every way thought provoking, witty and a man whose perception of the absurd was right on the money. Sadly he’s set his sights on the Achilles’ heels of religion with such zealotry that it’s almost disturbing. Such caustic cynicism should be duly noted and examined for its mixture of puffed-up self-righteousness and tee-hee mentality, traits that inevitably led to a movie of such worthless content and low blow ridicule it defies all the laws of serious documentation.

I’m referring to “Religulous” a guffawing gallop through the whacked out fringe elements of organized religion. Chuckle at the screwball eccentrics and possessed antics of the left of center. It’s littered with all manner of urban legend and watery chestnuts like “The Virgin Birth isn’t in the Bible” (yes it is, check out Matthew 18-24) Heaven forbid he take on a real theologian, what would that have achieved, no laughs apparently just someone who could rip up his sound bites and shorten his box office draw. (It should be noted that the movie stiffed even to the point of him whining about it on the Oscar telecast.) All this I might add from a man that spends his evenings at the Playboy mansion!

Well, may I say excuse me but last time I checked there were weirdos and crackpots lurking in every division of of the human spectrum, crackpot athletes, crackpot rock stars, crackpots in the medical profession, crackpot scientists blah blah blah. Hey it would be like me making a documentary on political life and only featuring Ann Coulter, Kinky Friedman and Screaming Lord Sutch.

I mean what’s the beef, how’s it hurting old Bill. Why does all this get under peoples skin with such venomous results? There are simply millions of Christians out there who quietly and with the greatest dignity execute their faith and belief without resorting to madness, irrationality and human sacrifice. Lord Almighty there are extremists everywhere and it appears to me that the more I witness of these cynical atheists the more the likes of Maher and Christopher Hitchins are the ones who are starting to look crazy.

Imagine no religion
I loved John Lennon deeply and respected him greatly but he did I’m afraid have a penchant for contradiction. He often quoted the old Yiddish saying, “Men plan and God laughs” while systematically imagining no religion; it’s easy if you try. He also said the Beatles were more popular than Christ then ultimately sang “Christ you know it ain’t easy” and “the way things are going their going to crucify me” A bit all over the board wouldn’t you say? He also famously said “Before Elvis there was nothing” which while having nothing to do with this particular piece reminds me that I always felt totally the opposite, that before Elvis there was everything and after there was a lot less. But then that whole thing deserves a blog all to its self.

So let us indeed imagine a world without religion, devoid of it as Bill Mahar has wished for from the dawn of time.

Let’s start by wiping out a vast percentage of the worlds greatest paintings. The galleries and art museums of Europe and private collections across the globe would be depleted severely. Without religious imagery we’d have a mere handful of masterpieces by the likes of Hofman, da Vinci, Raphael, Velazquez, Sassoferrato, Bosch, Dali, Michelangelo, Rubens, Caravaggio, Guido Reni, Ford Maddox Brown and Rembrandt to name but a very few. No Sistine Chapel, ancient Russian icons, a vastly reduced Bayeux tapestry, Christ the Redeemer on Corcovado Mountain and a lot less out of Auguste Rodin.

The landscape without religion's hand upon it would surely be a sterile and colorless vista. In a puff of smoke ancient architecture from the golden dawn would simply never have been. From thousands of ancient country churches of all denomination to a multitude of magnificent cathedrals, mosques, synagogues, Hindu, Buddhist and Shinto temples, not a one, nada, zip! Medieval, Gothic and Baroque design would be nowhere in sight. The Renaissance and Byzantine culture would never have happened. Norse, Greek, Islamic and Roman mythology, forget it, they’d never have thought it up and we’d never have the creativity of it’s awe inspiring results. No Hopi and Navaho culture, Machu Pichu, the Great Pyramid of Giza, Notre Dame, the Basilica of St. Paul, the Wailing Wall and every whitewashed clapboard black Baptist church across the south that shakes every Sunday with the holy spirit.

It just gets scarier. Musically we’d be drained dry. Requiems, masses, fugues, symphonies, concertos and choral works, ancient hymns, mountain gospel and Gregorian chants. Just think, not much Verdi, Mozart, Bach, Mendelssohn, Stravinsky, Britten, Berlioz, Schubert, Haydn, Brahms, Dvorak and Krzysztof Penderecki. Mahalia Jackson, Blind Willie Johnson, James Cleveland, Jake Hess and Marion Williams all might as well not even have been born. No Mormon Tabernacle Choir, No Mighty Clouds of Joy and perish the thought no “Shakin’ the Rafters” by the Abyssinian Baptist Choir. Without their gospel roots the likes of Johnny Cash, Sam Cooke, George Jones, Bill Monroe, The Louvin Brothers, Little Richard, Maybelle Carter and the Staple Singers would be performing a watered down songbook, and this is just skimming the surface.

Blues, country and rock ‘n roll was built on a core principle of God given faith. Raised in religion and church choirs the inspiration that lit the blue touch paper of a thousand musical careers came from hammering that old church piano and harmonizing with righteous souls. Let me tell you “Take me to the River” wasn’t about doing your laundry.

Add to this all the religious metaphors and imagery applied and utilized into modern songwriting and we’d be seriously short a few classics. For example no “Sympathy For the Devil” “Highway 61 Revisited” and “Hallelujah.” No “God Only Knows” “Turn, Turn, Turn” “Exodus” and a shit load of U2 (spiritual input all over that stuff.) Great movies like Pasolini’s “Gospel According to St Matthew” “The Passion of Joan of Arc” and “Black Narcissus” all the way down to cool creepy stuff like “The Exorcist” and “The Omen”

Oh and sorry kids no Christmas and Easter and one less way to protect yourself against vampires!

Sermon over. Keep the faith.
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